


White Blank Page

by Sterek_ed (Thorki_ed)



Series: Lyric-Inspired Sterek Works [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, FEELY FEELS, M/M, can be taken as cheating or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1661225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Sterek_ed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, like you did to me,” Derek spat bitterly. “Can you lie next to her and confess your <i>love</i>?” He says the last word like it was a poisonous thing, burning his tongue. He doesn’t truly want Stiles to answer, he’s too afraid that Stiles will say <i>‘yes’</i> and he’ll go back to being what he was – a shell.</p><p>Based on the Mumford & Sons hit, which you can listen along to here: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw-ko6aINI4">(x)</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	White Blank Page

They’d come so far, they’d been so strong, they’d become something nobody thought they could.

And yet here they are, broken pieces of a beautiful story scattered across the floor Derek’s loft. The silence weighs down on them like a thunderstorm.

“I’m sorry, Derek, I never should have…” And it was the cruelest irony of all - Stiles Stilinski, finally at a loss for words. It’s cruel in so many ways; this is the one time where Stiles _needs_ to have words, needs to tell Derek everything, or just _something_ to help him understand.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Derek’s tone is becoming dangerously dark again. _Months._ It had taken Stiles months upon months to get Derek to smile, to laugh, to shine bright like he was supposed to. Every spare minute was spent curling next to Derek, trying to coax the sweetness back to the surface.

And Derek hasn’t forgotten who it was that brought him back, when he had lost it all – his family, his home, his betas, his Alpha status. Cora had left, Peter had begun to hang around the loft less, and Stiles had been taken over by the nogistune. He was a shell, and he knew it, but he didn’t care… Not until Stiles came back.

It suddenly felt like all the empty, dark corners of his life were being filled by the brightness Stiles brought. And though he didn’t know it, Derek was just as much the sun in the shattered ruins of Stiles’ mind after the nogitsune left. Stiles came around so often that Derek didn’t even bother turning on the intruder alarm again. It was Stiles who fought for space in Derek’s mind, fought for so much of his attention that nothing else could take precedence. He’d forgotten about Kate, forgiven himself for Paige; every fibre of his being fought to live again with Stiles around.

So, how could it be, that the man who had kept him from drowning was the one pushing his head under. His lungs felt like they could collapse at any second, and Stiles stood so close yet so far, watching.

“Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, like you did to me,” Derek spat bitterly. “Can you lie next to her and confess your _love?_ ” He says the last word like it was a poisonous thing, burning his tongue. He doesn’t truly want Stiles to answer, he’s too afraid that Stiles will say _‘yes’_ and he’ll go back to being what he was – a shell. A hollow shell of something dark and terrible, a shell of something that somebody could have loved, and chose not to.

“Derek, please, don’t,” Stiles half pleads. There’s anger in his voice, he knows he’s hurting Derek but the gnawing feeling wouldn’t leave him alone. It had to be this way, had to be laid out in the open. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he says weakly. His head is spinning from the truth, images of Anna and Derek blurring his vision as they both smile and cry in his vision. Anna was something beautiful and fragile, and everything that Derek wasn’t. She was trusting from the moment he met her, talkative, open and her smile was radiant, always on her face. He fell in love with the way Anna made him feel strong and independent, brave and courageous. Things that Derek always was… but never him. He loved Derek for those things, he loved that Derek made him feel protected and cherished, he loved that he talked Derek’s ears off and he loved that only he could witness the rarity of Derek smiling – those had all been special too. But now, Stiles had grown up. He’d become less of an awkward teenager/young adult. He’d finished college, realized that he was a man.

“If you didn’t mean for this to happen,” Derek says through gritted teeth. “You should have stopped it _months ago._ ”

It’s ripping Derek apart just to say the words – to imply that they were better off if they had never loved each other to begin with. It’s gutting Stiles to hear Derek sound like he’s on the verge of breaking; he hasn’t heard that voice since they’d last talked about Kate. _Kate:_ the one who tore him open, left his bloody and bare for the world to swoop in like vultures. _Kate:_ the one that Stiles had taken hours upon hours to erase from Derek’s mind. Stiles doesn’t want to _break_ Derek – he’s never wanted to hurt Derek in his life.

“I’m sorry,” he gasped again. His tears had long since spilled unlike Derek’s, which were stubbornly nesting on the brink, magnifying the green in the eyes that Stiles had fallen in love with, the eyes that Stiles had fallen asleep next to night after night. “It’s not you, I promise, Derek.”

“You’re lying,” Derek stated angrily.

“You’re a werewolf!” Stiles exploded, his voice cracking as he begins to pace, hands running through his hair. “ _Tell me if I’m lying,_ ” he challenged, eyes staring into Derek’s. “When I say I loved you, Derek, as much as my heart could allow me and I’m _sorry_ about everything that’s happened. I’m sorry that we have to do this, but it’s _for the best_. Tell me I’m lying when I say that I _still love_ you, Derek, nothing will _ever_ stop me from loving you –”

“You’re leaving anyway, Stiles!” Derek snapped. His eyes are glowing blue and the tears have finally dropped, landing at Derek’s feet. “Do you really believe what you’re saying Stiles? That it’s for the best? How about you stop lying and give me the _truth_. Leave me, leave like the others, Stiles. I can handle it. I’ve made it through everyone else leaving, and I’ll make it through this too!” he roared.  He was panting heavily, the control slowly slipping as his eyes flickered back to their normal hazel.

Derek knows it’s wrong of him to bring that up, to put guilt on Stiles for leaving. Stiles was young, just as he had been once, and he knew that young people had to grow _. I’m not Kate_ , he told himself.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles repeats. He truly doesn’t know what to say, only apologies wanted to tumble from his mouth and he couldn’t explain himself to Derek, even though he owed Derek an explanation. He turned to leave, but as he slid the door open, he turned back to Derek, who suddenly looked so small.

What once was his whole world stood, looking empty. He made eye contact one last time with his first love.

“Where was my fault, Stiles,” Derek says, his eyes shining with a vicious pain. “In loving you with my whole heart?” The question was rhetorical, mostly. Derek’s eyes are still searching for an answer, though.

“Derek, please don’t think this was your fault,” Stiles murmured softly. He blinked his own tears back, hating that Derek always blamed himself for everything. “It’s me, I can’t… I just need some time. I’ll… I’ll call you, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, just turns to leave the loft, closing the door behind him. He knows Derek can hear his wild heartbeat through the door. He makes it down the staircase before he hears a crashing from above, but doesn’t think about what Derek’s possibly doing. Doesn’t think about Derek trashing the loft and all the furniture and décor they had spent hours at IKEA picking out while goofing around.

He drives as fast as he can back to campus. Back to Anna.

 

\---

 

It takes months for Stiles to figure it out. He doesn’t deny that he tries with Anna – he tries to be the strong one, the protector. He tries to be with someone who’s the sunlight and rainbow rather than the storm and clouds. He tries to accept that Anna smiles and laughs all the time without Stiles even trying; they’re not as rewarding because everyone can see them, everyone can get them. She smells like flowers where Derek smelt like wilderness. She cries a lot because she’s human and Stiles never sees fangs or glowing eyes.

And it’s all wrong.

Anna cries for him too, but her eyes don’t show the same sadness at Derek’s did. She claims that she’ll move on too, but as a comfort to Stiles. Stiles believes her in a way he didn’t believe Derek. Anna doesn’t break into pieces like Derek did. She doesn’t throw things around her apartment like Derek did.

It’s a few hours back to Beacon Hills, and his first stop is Derek’s loft.

The first thing Stiles notices is that it’s been cleared of anything remotely Derek. The photographs are gone – in the trash, as Stiles finds out next. Broken frames and pieces of glass litter the entire floor, and Stiles shudders like he can _feel_ the anger around the room, despite not having werewolf sense. It smelled of pure _rage_.  

He walks to the table where papers have been balled up and abandoned. Most of them mean nothing. Some of them say plenty of things. He sees a crumpled envelope addressed to his dorm room and attempts to flatten it out before opening it.

_“To Stiles,_  
  
 _You did not think, when you sent me to the brink. I’m leaving, for good. I, too, am sorry for how things ended. In the end, you were right. It did have to end. You desired my attention, but denied my affections. So I’m finally letting you go._

          -  _Derek_ ”

And amongst all these things, Stiles knows that none of them mean anything. If they had, Derek would have sent them.

No, the only thing that Derek wanted to tell sat on the table in front of him. Stiles traces the dried ink with his fingers as his tears splotch the page.

_"To Stiles"_

All that was left of Derek in this space was a white blank page, and a swelling rage.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for all the angst! Mumford and Sons came on and I just couldn't stop. So after listening to the song on repeat, I hand you this. I think there'll be more lyric/song-inspired works since I enjoy them so much.
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr at [sterek--smut.tumblr.com](http:///www.sterek--smut.tumblr.com)! :)
> 
> any feedback/comment/kudos would be appreciated! Thanks for the read <3


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